I had known all my teens that there was a lack of love between my parents. Eventually circumstances overcame inertia and they divorced. Having this happen as I was finishing uni and Lukas was only starting was much more convenient for us than if we had experienced it as kids. And yet it still left me with a lingering sense of the impact on others of forming a family, a feeling that is with me even now.
Within a relatively short time we went from four under one roof to four under four. I had the opportunity to move into a share household with good uni friends Damien and Polly. I had spent long hours hanging at other student share households and so now I was in my own I embraced it fully. Staying awake into the night chatting or watching re-runs of the very daggy Prisoner... hosting awesome parties crammed with friends… giving younger friends a place to hang as had been done for me. We went from bad landlords (Cesspool) to good landlords (Flea Circus) but in both cases made these houses our home. A bit later I lived in another household (Currajong Street) with an ever-shifting cast of residents a few blocks from the new share house of Lukas – Stoned Henge. It was lots of fun visiting them and having a sense of both family and friends in the one neigbourhood.
I was an emergency teacher for much of this time and yet never managed to become permanent – a mix of factors including lack of demand for particular subjects in the late 90s played into this. Over time I became jaded with the whole thing and, looking back, I wonder why I ever expected to manage adolescents, given that I had never coped all that well with them while I was one. Over time teaching work ceded to other things, including volunteering in the Australian Democrats state office.
I had been a member of the ADs in my uni days but never got much into it. In the late 90s however there was an active youth wing which I was drawn into. My academic interest in politics was complimented by a hands-on experience of campaigning and even candidacy. It was an exciting time to feel part of a movement and everyone needs a sense of belonging to something.
In other ways however this was a very lonely time for me. I had to decide who exactly were friends and acquaintances on having left the constant human throng of uni life (even if I still visited it regularly). I held onto key friends and we did new and interesting things… Sean and I went on long interstate drives… Emily ran a small singing group… Jen got us into exclusive costumed movie premiers. And yet in this time I quietly became more insular.
There had been a time in which I would discuss personal issues but during this time I decided that I knew what my issues were and only had to choose to act on that understanding. Why discuss these things with anyone other than myself? And one nice thing with living in a share household is you can go for a walk at any time of the night to take care of them walking blues.
Even change for the better is scary and so it was simpler just to take solace in the same past-times and friends. I developed my patented method of courting – circulate among those you know seeming nice and interesting till eventually someone jumps you. It works! It worked I think once in this whole timeframe. And then I was paying far too much attention to political activism to truly attend to that fledgling relationship. What was the matter with me? Possibly it is just difficult to decide what is important in life because so many things are important and some of us can only ever throw ourselves into so much. As one century became the next more was set to stay the same than to change.
Labels: Nostalgia And Reminiscences