Lazy Luddite Log

25.9.21

Free-Ranging Friends

In this post I describe a number of satirical anthropomorphic animals as inspired by both the Jethro Tull spoken word track The Hare Who Lost His Spectacles and the tradition of Aesop's Fables.

It was a mild and sunny day, and the Hare had just found and put on his spare pair of spetacles. Just then, he noticed the Tortoise emerging from foliage and immediately removed his seeing aids, hiding them behind his back. This was because the Tortoise had recently chastised him for lacking pride in his own natural state of short-sightedness. The act of wearing glasses, the plodding reptile insisted, was an insult to all those who lacked supposedly 'normal' vision. The anxious Hare knew by now to never argue with the Tortoise. After all, the shelled creature was a firm believer in the adage 'my space my rules' and, as someone who carried his home with him, could dictate terms where ever he went.

The Hare had only one course of action in the face of such a judgemental creature - make small-talk and then find some excuse to be elsewhere. He suddenly remembered that he had a lunch date with his terrific friend, the Fur Seal, down by the salty lakeshore. The Tortoise grunted, then sat down on the warm grass for a well-deserved nap of the righteous.

The Fur Seal had left the water to look for a bit of conversation, and made towards the gnarled tree at which two other animals regularly convened. Those two were the Owl and the Kangaroo, who engaged in a never-ending argument over nature versus nurture. The Owl, a layer of eggs, was firmly in the camp of biology determining behaviour, while the marsupial Kangaroo was all for socialization and conditioning. The specific subject matter changed from day to day, but the fundamental argument was always the same. Tail thumping and feathers fluffing, they both held forth, but stopped once the Fur Seal waded into the argument. She very reasonably asked if both nature and nurture played a role in matters.

The Owl and the Kangaroo agreed on just one thing - that pesky sealion could take her complicating statements and go away - for they would rather bicker than admit that a messy world deserved complex discussions. Crestfallen, the Fur Seal shuffled back to the waterside, passing a cluster of reed-lined ponds on her way downhill.

The Newt burped hello to the passing Fur Seal, knowing that the huge mammal posed no threat, sated as she was by a regular diet of salt-water fare. Newt was a shrewd fellow who rarely made hasty judgements - the fish pond had shown him that. Big Fish lived in that small pond and seemed like a most magnanimous character. She was charismatic and bold and made sure all the smaller fish got a share of fish food. But there was another aspect of Big Fish hiding below the surface. She always got the most food and ensured the passivity of the other fish with wild tales of far-distant freshwater sharks. Every now-and-then a small fish asked if these sharks they never met were such a danger. The next day that inquisitive fish would be missing. The Newt was pretty sure he knew why - the closest predator is the one best feared and Big Fish was his prime suspect.

Big Fish played the role of best friend to the pond-hopping Newt, for he was popular with the fish. She also lived in secret fear of him because he knew the truth of the world beyond her small pond, and could dash her carefully crafted tales of its perils. Know someone well and you can practically tell what they are thinking, and so the Newt never made too many ripples in that small pond, and deftly stayed just beyond the reach of fishy jaws.

The free-ranging Hare, Fur Seal and Newt got together that evening to enjoy some relaxing, if silent company among some secluded boulders, the games and maneuvers of the day behind them, as the shadows slanted and the bees buzzed about. They knew how much time to spend with whom.

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